After a Pause
by HeartEyes4Mariska
Summary: After Chasing Demons last week, I needed to cheer myself up. So I figured some fluffy Rollivia smut would do the trick. Liv goes to Amanda after what Cassidy said to her strikes a chord. My first Rollivia fic! Reviews welcome.


**A/N: I needed a little fluffy smut after watching Chasing Demons last week (and I'm sure I wasn't the only one). So I wrote my very first Rollivia fic to cheer myself up. Bensler will always be my SVU OTP, but with Barba out of the picture, Rollivia is the only Ship right now that gives me heart eyes. Hope you enjoy! Reviews welcome.**

 **Rating: M for sexual content**

 **Spoilers: Chasing Demons**

 **Disclaimer: Not mine. Dick Wolf's. If they were mine ... all I can say is 'orgies.'**

 **After** **a** **Pause**

"You weren't answering your phone."

"Yeah – I tend not to do that when I'm off the clock."

"You didn't answer my texts either," Liv said. "I was worried."

"I'm a big girl, Lieutenant." Amanda took a swig of her beer without turning her head.

The sports bar that Rollins had picked to drown her sorrows in smelled like cigarettes and the tension of held-in secrets. It was all that Amanda had been able to smell, until Olivia had walked in. Liv always smelled somehow elegant and gritty all at once – like Jasmine mixed with every time her life had been threatened.

It turned Amanda on.

Which is why she couldn't turn her head: she knew why Liv was there. Rollins had gone and stuck her foot in way over the line, and now she would have to take her lumps for it. She wished that she could at least say she regretted it, but even that would be a lie – it had felt good, for once, to let go, to feel jealous, to tell Cassidy that he didn't deserve Liv.

Not that Amanda could argue that she was any better, sitting there in that musty bar, hiding from Liv's calls like she had hid from her father's temper as a kid. Getting drunk, like Cassidy had – that prick. Sometimes she wondered if she hadn't been fucking up ever since the moment she'd gotten there, seven years ago; wandering into SVU with her childish hero-crush on Olivia Benson.

Now, the woman that was her Lieutenant, best friend, and the only person left who could break her heart, slid onto the stool next to her without speaking. Amanda wondered if Liv had come from talking with Cassidy, or worse, reconciling with him. She had no doubt that particular fear had been naked and obvious in her eyes when she'd blown up at Liv for harboring her ex. This wasn't Summer camp, or the high school softball team anymore – the older she got, the worse Rollins got at hiding it.

She took another drink of her beer, making a face at the sharpness of it. Finally, unnerved by Olivia's silence, she blurted, "You talk to Cassidy?"

"Uh, yeah – sort of," Liv nodded.

Amanda took a deep breath. "You want a beer?"

"Sure." Liv's response was so warm that Amanda was finally forced to look at her. Her mouth was curved into a small smile, and her expression seemed easy, relaxed for the first time in a while. Had Cassidy done that? Amanda's stomach soured.

"Listen, Liv," she started carefully, "I'm sorry. I know I got in your business -"

Olivia chuckled. "Mm – Brian did mention you bursting into my apartment. Like a 'Southern Tasmanian Devil,' I believe."

Amanda exhaled harshly through her nose, turning on her barstool. "Look, I know you two have history. I know! But he was usin' you, Liv; he knows that since his fall from grace, you're the only one who defaults to givin' him the benefit of the doubt anymore."

"Well, it turns out I was right," Liv said matter-of-factly.

Amanda balled a fist under the bar, finished her bottle and called for another. "Doesn't mean you will be, next time," she muttered.

"How many of those have you had?"

"Oh. Is that why you came?" Rollins slid off her stool and stood. "To cut me off, send me home like you tried to with Brian?" she snorted.

"No. Not at all, 'Manda."

The blonde deflated immediately, the use of the nickname never failing to send goosebumps along the back of her neck. Her shoulders dropped. "You deserve better than that, Liv. You deserve – " Rollins swallowed, "someone who doesn't take advantage of how strong you are."

Olivia grinned, turned toward the woman and watched as she vigorously grabbed the new bottle of beer from the bar, taking a long drink. Outside of the restaurant where Olivia had stopped to follow up with ADA Stone about the West case, Brian had confessed she had been what he considered the love of his life. She had found herself thinking, when she left a bit later, about Brian and relationships. About the feeling of guilt that had crackled through her like static over a wire, when she'd told Amanda about Brian having stayed at her apartment.

Now she was sitting in a dingy bar, and eyeing that Southern fire cracker. Rollins had waltzed into the 1-6 when Liv's life had been another world entirely – before motherhood, before things had changed. She had lost one of the loves of her life, and felt determined to be closed off forever for it – until it was the newbie who needed saving. It was across that bridge the two of them had travelled to get past the beginning. But Amanda was too much like Liv had once been; she ignored the rules at high costs, lost her temper when it sometimes counted, and put herself in harm's way when she was determined that someone could be saved.

It had made things hard for both of them, balancing the fine line between friendship and professionalism while Liv struggled to rein in Amanda's Savior complex, despite understanding it better than most. And, as Olivia's encounter with Sheila had made perfectly clear, cultivating friendship was a mountain that she still had issues navigating.

Rollins ducked her head and got back onto her stool, realizing she'd been staring. "What's gonna happen with Reggie?"

"Stone says he's going to argue for leniency," Liv told her.

"What a mess," Amanda muttered. "I miss Barba."

Liv nodded, her heart lurching painfully at his name. Rafael was another who'd come to mind after Brian had gotten her thinking about love, and opportunities lost. A life spent in SVU had left Liv with a dance card full of Could-Have-Beens, all brushed aside in favor of the partner she'd graced with the most attention during her youngest years – her career.

Elliot, Alex, David, Rafael . . . Olivia was fed up with losing people. She had tracked Amanda to this shitty bar in the hopes of preventing another loss in that maddening line of ghosts. Now that it had come down to it, Liv was stalling, and was pissed at herself for it. Had she always been such a coward when it came to love?

"Amanda, I actually came here to . . . to thank you," Liv sighed.

"Thank _me_?" Rollins screwed up her face, and Liv found herself looking with amused pleasure at the tiny wrinkles it caused in the blonde's nose.

"Yeah. You were right – I was letting Brian take advantage of my need to . . . mother everyone, especially the squad. I was putting my job on the line, and it was stupid. You got Brian to man up, like I should have done from the start. And –" Olivia met Amanda's eyes for the first time since she had arrived, her look warm and open, appreciative, "you put your ass on the line. For me, and the squad. Been a long time since I had someone I could trust that much, 'Manda. Someone that I know has my back, but will also keep me from getting too comfortable."

Amanda tried, and failed, to keep from blushing and heat bloomed in Liv's chest at the sight. "Yeah, well, I know a thing or two about doing too much for people you can't help but care about," Rollins shrugged.

"I bet you do," Liv chuckled.

Rollins got up again, shoved her hands deep into her jeans pockets. "I'm gonna hit the little girls room, and then I guess I should consider going home."

Olivia watched Amanda go without saying anything, finishing her beer in several large gulps. Her hand trembled slightly on the bottle as she set it down, thoughts inside her head crashing and pinwheeling back and forth between hesitation and acquiescence. At last, she got up and followed after her.

Amanda was already at the sink by the time Liv stepped inside the bathroom door. She paused in the act of washing her hands, met her Lieutenant's eyes in the long mirror, then let the gaze slide, over the rise of her breasts, the line of her hip.

Benson let her look, let the heat that the gaze generated in her groin and earlobes help bolster her confidence. She refused to look away. Her shoes on the tile were shockingly loud as Liv crossed to where Amanda stood. The water was still running, but Amanda's hands had stopped moving under the flow. Her breathing quickened as Olivia drew up behind and against her, pressed into the line of her body. She could feel the fullness of Liv's breasts, firm against the expanse of her back, felt her groin fitted against the curve of her ass.

Amanda opened her mouth to speak, but snapped it shut just as quickly when she felt Liv draw a hand to the side of her ribcage. Her fingers lingered there for a second, then continued to the base of Amanda's neck. There, she drew back the blonde curtain of hair, causing the petite woman to shiver. Liv's mouth dipped alongside the curve of her ear, and Rollins waited, breathing shallow, for her to speak.

"Can I take you home, Amanda?"

Rollins smelled faintly of strawberries, and the scent of her laundry detergent. It was soft, feminine – the opposite of what she often portrayed on the job, and it set going an insistent throb in Liv's center. But it was Amanda's nature to doubt, to run for what was easy when it came to sex and love, not what could feel right.

"You and Brian . . . ?" Amanda asked breathlessly, even as she leaned back into Liv's firm hold on her.

"Brian and I . . . " Olivia turned the younger woman around in the embrace until they were facing each other, "broke up a long time ago." She kissed her, slowly, giving her plenty of room to escape if that was what she wanted. Her lips were cool, still tasted faintly of beer, and Liv heard Amanda groan softly, pushing into the kiss. Liv responded by bringing her knee up, nudging it between Amanda's legs.

"Get me outta here," Amanda mumbled against Liv's lips. She knew they'd never make it to either of their apartments.

The parking lot behind the sports bar was dark, with Liv's rented SUV the only vehicle, parked half-in and half-out of the halo of a street light. They both walked to the passenger-side door, and Olivia reached to open it, but Amanda's hand covered Liv's. Their bodies collided again, falling up against the vehicle. Rollins let the cover of the muted light spur her on, and her kisses became harder, hungrier. Liv's fingers threaded blonde hair, tugging instinctively as sounds of approval gathered low in her throat.

With men, Amanda had always felt the need to flirt, to play the Southern Belle and make her partners feel fawned over when they responded to her games. Her sex with women had, alternatively, been about proving her strength and depth of loyalty. Fucking women was, for Rollins, a matter of survival; fucking men was about passing the time.

Amanda slid her hands under the layers of Liv's clothes, skidding up her skin, moist with a sheen of anticipatory sweat. She cupped both breasts inside the lace of Liv's bra as Liv offered up the expanse of her throat, throwing her head back on a chuckle. Rollins nipped and bit, tasting the salt at Olivia's pulse-point, still touching her breasts, delighting at the feel of her nipples hardening, straining inside the bra.

"Jesus, 'Manda," she bit out on sigh, "let me take you – "

"Naw," Amanda drawled, letting her hands drop to the button of Liv's pants. She smirked. "Let me take _you_." She bit her lip as she got the pants open, her cheeks flushing with the heat of her excitement. Her palm flat against Liv's pelvis, Amanda tucked her fingers inside the edge of her panties and slid, under cotton and over the neat, coarse hairs there.

"Oh, _fffuck_ ," Olivia praised, her pelvis bucking forward as Rollins' hand stopped sliding.

She was gloriously, achingly wet and it set Amanda's nerves on fire. Her fingertip swept tight circles around Liv's erect clit as the tension of her own desire and exhilaration escaped in breathy, happy giggles. Her fingers explored and drifted like a ship on waves, always returning to Olivia's twitching center, while the heel of her palm kept slight pressure where her hand met the open zipper of her pants.

"Yeah, Liv," Amanda encouraged, her voice a whisper in the dark, "let it go for me." She let her free hand slide upward, and when the vee of her finger and thumb met the base of Liv's throat, she gripped, gently.

The surprise of it - this possessive display - combined with the never-ending swirl of her fingers, the pressure and bump of the hand at her pelvis, drove Olivia Benson into the storm of her orgasm. Her eyes flew open, and her hips trembled, pushing her sex even harder against Amanda's attentions. Liv's throat allowed a strangled moan to escape, and then she could only pant through to the end of it, each pant gently moving strands of her blonde partner's hair.

Rollins' smile was enormous. She pulled her hand from the waist of Liv's pants and leaned in, kissing her lightly. "Now you can take me . . . " she said, with a devilish pause, "home."

Jesse was sleeping soundly, and the nanny was on her way home by the time Olivia and Amanda made their stumbling way into Amanda's bedroom. Liv was determined to get back in control – but was not so naïve as to think it wouldn't be on Amanda's terms. She urged Amanda back onto the bed, which was an indulgent, luxurious thing, with plush blankets and a gratuitous amount of pillows. It was an altar at which the best of SVU agents rarely got to worship; sleep and sex being the cost paid for the career.

Liv leaned in, biting Amanda just behind the earlobe. "I want to make you come," she breathed, punctuating the confession by pulling Rollins' pelvis against her own, using both hands to grip Amanda's ass. Keeping her hands there, she pulled them both back into a standing position, then slid her hands beneath Amanda's sweater, helping to pull it off.

Olivia turned the woman in her arms until she was facing the bed, placing a hand on her back to encourage her to bend over. When she did, Liv bent as well, covering Amanda and leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses down the column of her spine. Her hands curved around her ribs, under the confines of Amanda's sports bra, pushing it up, out of the way, so she could hold the globes of her naked breasts. The contact of nipples on palms finally drew a growl from the blonde, who writhed into the blankets.

Not satisfied, Liv moved on to the jeans, pulling them and her panties down together. She draped back over Amanda and drew her hand up between her legs, fingers spreading, dipping, revering. It still wasn't enough. "Roll over, 'Manda."

Rollins had always been the obedient girl.

Amanda looked into Liv's eyes, the quiver of her thigh muscles betraying her as she waited for her touch. Liv kept their eyes locked as she slipped her long fingers into the place Amanda ached and throbbed for her, feeling her own clit twitch in response. Rollins was forced to turn her head, eyes closing as she breathed Olivia's name on a sigh.

"Yeah," Liv was smug, " _yeah_." She watched with wicked pleasure as her fingers worked Amanda over the edge, orgasming with her fingertips clutched deep into Liv's forearms.

Olivia rolled aside while Rollins was catching her breath, grinning at the ceiling. After a few minutes, Amanda rolled toward her and threw her leg across Liv's body, pushing herself up until she was straddled over her waist. She finished removing the sports bra that was still pushed up over her breasts, then shook out her hair and smiled down at her. "I want you to do somethin' for me," Amanda said.

"Oh my," Liv replied, her gaze flicking from Rollins' lips, to her chest, to the vee of her groin. "I have a hard time picturing how I could refuse."

With a giggle, Amanda wriggled off of her lap and stood. Liv sat up, eyeing Amanda curiously and taking the opportunity to remove the shirt, bra and pants she was still wearing. Turning from what Liv could only assume was her toy chest in the bedrooms closet, Amanda dangled a strap-on in front of her. Olivia ducked her head, letting out a surprised laugh.

"Do you . . . " Amanda faltered, blushing faintly, "I mean, is it okay? You don't have to –"

"Don't assume it's my first time at the rodeo, Rollins," Liv smirked. She stood up, taking the toy from Amanda's hand. Amanda watched, burning with want, as Olivia dropped her underwear and stepped into the adjustable harness, sliding it up to her hips. She pulled Rollins to her, kissing her, feeling the strapped-on cock pressed between them, which sent a fresh flood of slick wetness into her pussy. "Get on the bed," she directed huskily.

Amanda did as told, as Liv advanced on the bed, the cock she was wearing bobbing comically, as only they could. Neither woman was laughing though, as Liv joined her on the bed, drawing up alongside Amanda and kissing the side of her neck. Languidly, Amanda cupped one of Liv's breasts, finally taking a nipple into her mouth and working her tongue over it.

"Did you want some lube?" Liv asked softly.

"Oh, honey," Amanda smirked. She pushed Olivia onto her back and straddled her a second time, reaching for her cock. With the other hand braced on Liv's sternum, she stroked the cock against herself, spreading herself open and then sinking down onto its length. Amanda grunted. "You underestimate what you do to me."

A shiver overtook Olivia, her nipples tightening, pussy clenching at the sight of the blonde who sat naked on top of her. "Ditto," she gasped. Leaning up, she kissed one of Amanda's nipples, then met her eyes. "Now, _move_."

"Yes, ma'am."

Rollins watched Liv, watching her, as she set up a rhythm rocking against her pelvis. When she became breathless, she fell forward – never doubting that Liv would brace her – drawing Liv's tongue into her mouth. Then Liv's hands were on Amanda's ass, pulling her into a hard grind on her cock. She turned her mouth to Amanda's ear. "Come for me, 'Manda," she whispered. She watched as Rollins shivered and tensed. "That's it," Liv encouraged, "that's my girl."

At the words _my_ _girl_ , Amanda cried out, shuddering in Liv's grip. After long moments of coming down, with easy strokes of Liv's hand over Amanda's back, Olivia yawned softly, then laughed at herself. "Sorry – guess you're making me show my age."

"Never!" Rollins teased, pushing Liv with mock shock, then settled in comfortably, the two women facing each other.

"Hey. You ok?"

"I'm . . . perfect," Amanda said quietly.

Olivia reached around and grabbed one of the blankets, pulling it haphazardly over the two of them, then scooted closer, their legs tangling comfortably. "Amanda," she said gently.

"Mm?"

"I love you." She felt Amanda stir.

"I love you, too." Then, after a pause: "Lieutenant."

The two women fell asleep, grinning into the darkness.


End file.
